Red John's diary
by Ilse17
Summary: What if Red John had left a diary ? What if something in it could make Jane consider a possible future with Lisbon ?
1. Chapter 1

**Red John's diary**

_The beginning of that story explores some possibilities for filling the blanks in the Red John case, as I did before. But I happened to imagine a way to use that diary to solve our current predicament and bring Jane and Lisbon together. English is not my mother tongue, please excuse the errors._

Lisbon entered into the mental hospital and shivered slightly. To be here reminded her of Jane's past ordeal, and how close he had been to end up in a place like this permanently. The opppressive feeling was all the more unavoidable as she had come to see another of Red John's victims.

She gave her name at the entrance desk, and a nurse led her through some stairs and corridors to a white door. She knocked slightly, then entered the room. As the woman sitting near the window slowly turned her face toward her, Lisbon suddenly felt an overwhelming pity. The confident young woman she had known, self-relient in spite of her handicap, had withered like a flower touched by frost.

"Rosalind, it's Teresa Lisbon. You've asked to see me ?"


	2. Chapter 2

Lisbon sat on a chair at Rosalind's side and took her hand.

"How are you going ? What can I do for you ?"

Strangely, Rosalind's bitter smile made her look less like an empty shell, and closer to her strong former self.

"How am I going ? Like someone who discovered that she fell in love and slept with a man who enjoyed cutting other women open. What can you do for me ? Nothing. I asked you to come because _I _can do something for you."

Rosalind inhaled deeply, then showed a small notebook in her hand.

"Two years ago, I received a CD and that notebook, sent anonymously. The CD was for me. In it, Roy … Red John explained me why I was the one woman he didn't kill". She suddenly blanched. "Basically, he said that what he enjoyed the most was to see his victims looking at him in terror, their begging eyes boring into his, pleading…" She had a rasp, painful laugh. "This was a pleasure I was certainly unable to give him."

Her mouth suddenly twisted in disgust. "In a way, or so he said, he truly loved me. But I know that he mostly kept me around because in my mind, I could see him in a more flattering way than any sighted woman."

"I never made anyone listen to that CD. I was weak-willed enough to listen to it… because I wanted to understand, if it was possible : why was he the way he was ? Why did he choose me ? I only found that the answers made me want to do what I should have done as soon as I received it : to throw it away and never think about it again. But now it's too late ..." Don't say anything", she added, as she seemed to have guessed that Lisbon was about to say some soothing sentence. "I didn't ask you to come for any kind of pity party. I did it because he sent me his diary as well, only it was not for me but for Patrick Jane. For a long time, I was too ill to find a way to contact you. But I wanted to give it to you."

"Why me ?" asked Lisbon. She didn't say that Rosalind should have given the diary to the FBI as soon as she had received it. Obviously the young woman had been too distraught to have ever considered the ongoing investigation about the Blake association.

"Your consultant is a good man. The first time you went to my place, he did see the red smiley on the wall, didn't he ? But he didn't say anything. It's some FBI agent who came to question me after Roy's death who told me about it. Until then, I was not really convinced that Roy could be Red John. Now I realise that Mr Jane had tried to protect me from the hell I live in now. That's why I give the diary to you, not to him. Red John's last gift to me was nothing but cruelty, and he pretended he loved me. Can't you imagine why he would have sent his diary to his enemy ? Can't you imagine what that diary must contain ? I wanted to throw it away, as I did for the CD, but I thought that maybe there would be some usefull things in it, to catch some of his accomplices, maybe. Yet I think that Mr Jane mustn't be the one who reads it."

Lisbon was deeply moved. She took again Rosalind's hand in hers. "You chose the good thing to do", she said. "I'll read it in case it could lead us to arrest some unknown accomplice, or to have some explanation to give to his victims' relatives. But I won't show it to Jane untill I have read it all… or maybe I won't tell him about it at all."

"Do what you think the best", whispered Rosalind. She closed her eyes obviously exhausted.


	3. Chapter 3

Back at home, Lisbon was looking at the small notebook in front of her. Once, she had been a by-the-book cop. That person would have immediately delivered the diary to the FBI. But she knew she was no longer exactly that person. She had spent too many years concealing, or even backing up Jane's devious and sometimes illegal schemes. And she knew all too well that if she gave the diary to Abbott, there would be no way to prevent Jane from knowing it and to read it.

As she opened the notebook, she saw a letter folded inside the cover. It was addressed to Jane. Lisbon hesitated just a moment, then began to read it.

_My dear Patrick,_

_When you will receive that letter and my little diary, I expect the game to be over. Once the case is closed, Bertram labelled as Red John and me very far away with enough time to cancel any clue of my present whereabouts, I'll make you have that diary. One of my friends will send it to Rosalind within one month from now. I know I can count on her for delivering it to you, in hope you'll be able to catch me. I suppose she won't like quite much her own little souvenir._

_Unless you won't read my diary at all, because your own actions will have forced me to kill you. Who knows ? In that case, I suppose some unknown cop will read this pages. I hope he will be able to appreciate my skills, even if not as much as you would._

_Tonight, I will meet you at your house, with your six other suspects, and I will fake my own death. You may think you already deserve some congratulations for having cornered me to that necessity, but I was tired of my sheriff persona anyway. If things run smoothly as planned, I'll be unreachable quite little keepsake will be the proof I won our game. What will you do ? Will you travel the world to find me ? But where ? You see, I think I will succeed this time in doing what I tried to do when I made you kill Timothy Carter and nearly sent you to jail. I enjoyed the idea to have you locked up, knowing that I was outside, still unknown and free. Except that in these times, I hoped to make you join me later on. Now I'm afraid you've always been too stubborn and narrow-minded to be able to understand my perspective. That's why I won't hesitate to kill you this time, if I suspect you are not convinced enough of my death. I need a few weeks to cover my tracks, and I don't want you in the way._

_I must admit you were a worthwhile adversary. I hope you will have enough fair play to concede me full victory._

_Sincerely yours_

_Red John_

Lisbon felt an unsettling surge of satisfaction at the thought that the magalomaniac bastard had been killed by the very man he had expected to taunt in that letter. But the harder part of the job was still to be done. So she took a deep breath and began to read the first entry of the diary.

Five minutes later, she was already feeling shaky and nauseous at reading that gruesome mix of megalomaniac ranting and sickening descriptions of Mc Alistair's feelings during each wanted to stop, but agent Lisbon considered her duty to read that revolting piece of scribbling until the end.

And then arrived some clues about the way the Blake association had been built. As she and Jane had suspected, it had been created by Bertram. But in the course of some investigation, Mc Alistair had found some proofs of Bertram's corruption, and the hold he had on him had given him full use of all the levels of that powerful organization. Bertram could not expose him without being himself proven guilty of murder, threats on whitnesses and corruption of state agents. Even Mc Alister's death wouldn't have free him from the threat, as the sheriff had hidden the proofs in the Vizualise archives and had accomplices to deliver them.

Then Lisbon arrived to the entry she had feared to reach.


	4. Chapter 4

Turning a page, Lisbon's eyes had fallen on Jane's name. The date was very near of that of the murder.

_21th of April 2003_

_Yesterday, I met Wilkins, a former collegue now working in LA. He told me about one Patrick Jane, a psychic who has begun to help them in their investigations. I started to mock him to have become such a gullible fool. But he remained very serious and told that the man was so good he had become less than sure that psychics didn't actually exist. He told me me about some cases Jane has solved, and I found his stories interesting enough to watch a show in which the man was to appear tonight._

_He is good, very good. He has even more charisma than Brett himself. He can make a room full of people to adore him if he chooses to. He can make them believe whatever he wants. I think that his technique is mainly based upon reading body language, tone of voice and facial expression. I learnt the basics of such things with Brett, when I was one of his most promising disciples. But it requires too much patience. I was more interested in his lessons about how to manipulate lost and broken people and make them your subservient, adoring tools._

_Yes, that man has power, even if he chose to waste it in these ridiculous shows. I'm not jealous. Why should I be ? Through my hold on Bertram I can rule the actions of more and more persons, as he'll soon have a very important position._

_But what if I could add to all this the power of charm and persuasion, not only on some damaged or weak-willed people, but on almost anyone ? What would be my power if all this man's cleverness and habilities to read people were mine? If _he_ was mine ? I happen to covet him, almost like my victims, only I don't want to kill him. I want to own him, I want him to be the most precious of my tools. And what a challenge for me, to compete with and to bend to my will a mind such as his._

_28th of April 2003_

_The first thing to do was to have someone from the BA investigate about Jane. This done, my second move was to get his attention. For that, I've just suggested to that idiot Wilkins to talk about Jane to the members of the team in charge of my case. If I've understood the man well, if they ask for his help, he won't refuse the challenge. Especially as according to their neighbourg, his wife encourages him to use his habilities to help the police instead of conning innocent people. By investigating about me, he will begin to know me, my power, my terrible, awesome deeds._

_The third move of course is to destroy what makes him strong. To kill his family. And if I can make him believe that it happened because of his investigations on my case, the better. Guilt is even a more efficient way than grief to weaken anyone. It's that way I attracted Michael and Rebecca at my side._

_And what better way to get rid of the guilt than to admit the necessity of the event which was the source of the guilt? What better way for him to get free of his guilt than to embrace my view on the word, to come to my side ? In time, he will. I will slowly break him untill he does. Or, I will destroy him._

Lisbon made a pause, stunned by what she had just read. Was it possible that Red John had planned the murder of Jane's family even before that fatal TV show ?

Her eyes were fixed on the next line, a new entry, the very day Charlotte and Angela had died.

10th of May 2003

The show has just finished. The journalist asked him about his investigations in the Red John case, and he insulted me, which serves my plans. On another hand, I'm extremely disappointed he misreaded me that much, but after all, he's very new on the case. The anger made me write the perfect letter : what guilt he will feel ! The more broken he will be, the easier for me to make him mine. I'm at only five minutes from his house. Everything will be over long before he's back home.

Lisbon stopped reading again, eyes blurred, heart pounding in her chest.

Of course. Since they knew that Mc Allister was Red John, this should have occurred to her at least, if not to Jane, too emotionally involved, too used to his burden of guilt to reconsider the events of this fatal night.

How was it that the sheriff of Napa Valley had been close enough to Jane's house to reach it before him, in order to avenge some casual insults that had just been uttered ?

Lisbon wasn't even aware of the tears running on her cheeks.

Jane had spent years in a living hell of guilt for something that was not in the least his fault. It was a hideous scenario born in the ravings of a sick mind. The first of all the traps Red John had ever set for him.

**So, what do you think ? I thought about this since I realised how far Napa Valley is from Malibu. So I decided to use that fact. Especially as I think that the one plausible reason strong enough to prevent Jane from making his feelings known to Lisbon is his guilt for having got his family killed. **


	5. Chapter 5

Lisbon impulsively grabbed her cell phone. She couldn't wait to relieve her friend from the burden he'd carried for so long. But she stopped suddenly, remembering that it meant telling him about the diary… and what coul be written in the next entry.

Lisbon put the phone down, and slowly turned the page. She held her breath.

_13th of may 2003_

_I managed to meet Wilkins today, as if it was by chance. I couldn't prevent myself from telling him that his psychic was definitively a fake, as he hadn't been able to prevent what had happened to his family. He told me that the man was unreachable on his phone and had disappeared. I hope he won't kill himself. But it was a chance to take. All what I have to do now is to wait._

There was no account of the murder ? It seemed impossible, as Mc Allister seemed to enjoy so much describing every single detail of his crimes.

Looking closer, Lisbon realised that two pages of the diary had been torn off. Frowning, she wondered what it could mean.

Originally, the diary hadn't been written to be read by anyone. But then, it was obvious that with the end of his sick game, Red John's obsessive need to make his superiority acknowledged by his long-standing adversary had won over his desire to have him keep feeling guilty for the death of his family. But if Mc Allister had torn off the pages about the murder of Angela and Charlotte, it could be by no means because he had wanted to spare Jane. The only explanation, on the contrary, was that something hadn't happened as it was planned, something that could lessen the psychopath's feeling of triumph. Lisbon wanted to believe that for some reason, he had been forced to kill his victims faster than he had intended to.

In spite of the new tears filling her eyes, Lisbon smiled. Now she hoped that nothing would prevent her from showing the diary to Jane. He may suspect a moment that she had torn off the pages herself, but he could read her like a book. He'd know that she was not lying.

All what she had to do was to read it to the end, to make sure that the murder wasn't described elsewhere.

**What do you think ? I couldn't bring myself to describe the murder. And it makes things easier for the sequel as I imagine it. Thank you to the guest who reminded me of what was supposed to be the actual date for the murder, and to all the people who posted these nice reviews.**


	6. Chapter 6

Lisbon found difficult to focus on her task and not to read the rest of diary too hastily. She was so impatient to tell Jane all about it. But she tried to calm down, reminding herself that is was 1 a. m. now and that Jane was on an investigation with Fisher in a very remote place with little coverage. She'd probably have to wait untill they were back, in the afternoon. Besides, she'd rather be there when he'd learn the truth, because as much as a relief the revelation of Red John's schemes would be for him when he'd have the time to ponder over it a bit, at first the revelation in itself would be a great shock.

In spite of the turmoil of her thoughts, she registered a huge amount of very important facts. Some of them matched the assumptions Jane had made at the time, like the fact that in the Marley Sparrow's case, it was the supposed Red John copycat that had first attracted Mc Allister's special attention. He had ordered some members of the Blake association to make their own investigations and to closely watch over Jane, putting an end to the film students's sick game in order to allow his own to go on.

Some other revelations were utterly overwhelming. Like the fact that Bosco's murder had not been only Red John's doing, in order to give his case back to Jane. For Bertram and Mc Allister, it had been a double hit

At first, Bertram, about to arrive at the head of the CBI, had decided to put up with Minelli, in spite of the fact that he was no material for the Blake Association, because he knew he was close to retirement. But he soon realised that the old man was too clever not to be dangerous. After a few interviews with his future direct subordinate, Bertram had righly assumed how morally tired he was, and that he may take the death of several of his agents as a personal failure, a signal he had to quit.

As for Hightower, as soon as Bertram had acknowledged that she wouldn't be corruptible either, her eviction had only been a matter of time. The Todd Johnson case had provided both the necessity and the opportunity for it.

Todd Johnson had been part of the Blake Association, one of Bertram's most useful recruits, as his personal hatred for any member of law enforcement made him eager to kill whoever he was asked to. He was the hitman in charge any time anyone came too close of the truth. Of course, once he was caught, Bertram had no other choice than to silence him permanently, even if Johnson didn't know neither his nor Mc Allister's involvement.

Hightower had crossed O'Laughlin's path on his way back from Todd Johnson's cell. Distraught by her impending divorce, she had barely noticed him, but there was always the risk she would remember. That's why she had been framed for Johnson's murder, then replaced by young Wainwright, too out of his depth to cause any kind of trouble.

With Hightower's return, intending to clear her name, it had become a case of emergency to eliminate her permenently. Bertram had used his favorite tool, O'Laughlin, and had played an active part in the plan, while Mc Allister remained in the shadow, as always.

Lisbon had always wondered how Red John had been able to convince someone to perform his role for Jane's benefit. So she read that entry even more closely.

_19th may 2008_

_That whole Gupta operation was nothing but a sloppy work. I wonder how many times I'll have to tell Bertram not to take that kind of initiative. Gupta was not reliable in the first place. Too hasty, violent, and thoughtless. Bertram is so afraid to be exposed by Hightower's reappearance that he panicked and used the first henchman he had in store. Stupid idea. Now he'll have to clean the mess and find another way to kill Higthower, with Jane and his team even more in the way than ever, and of course, still convinced that all this is my doing. I know that Red John is also a convenient covert for the BA, but for once, I'm not pleased. When I'm in charge, the job is not botched that way._

_But that unfortunate episode gave me an idea. When Bertram told me about Timothy Carter, the main suspect in the disappearance of some young girl, according to one of his best BA team, I immediately saw the use I could make of the guy for the fake disappearance of Red John I had planned for a while. No need to say how enthousiastic Bertram was at the idea. If he's happy to make the better use of Mc Allister's brilliant schemes, he's always found Red John too much of a jeopardy for his career prospects. Besides, that plan allows him to clear himself from Jane's suspicions and to get rid of him._

_Bertram doesn't need to know that my "death" is only supposed to be temporary, just the time to have my dear Patrick convicted for murdering me. Then I'll make sure he learns that I'm not dead. With him in jail, alone and desperate to have failed to catch me, it'll be easier to crush what remains of his will, of his strength, and to make him mine at last. Especially as henceforth he'll consider himself truly as a murderer, having killed Carter for revenge, and not to save a life.__Then, I will teach him how to make the better use of his exceptional abilities._

_As for Carter, with the threat of endless jail time on one side, plus the promise to have all evidences cancelled and to keep the girl if he did what he was told on the other side, he was too happy to oblige. My dear Patrick doesn't have a particularly imposing appearance, so it was not hard to convince my future double that he was a completely harmless wimp, dreaming of revenge, but who never carries any weapon and wouldn't even know how to use one. And Carter's innate cruelty makes him thrilled at the idea of taunting a victim. Too bad I have to sacrifice him, he'd be a suitable disciple. But I must focus on a much more interesting prey._

_When Jane asked Bertram to come at the mall, we set up the final plan. As soon as O'Laughlin is gone with Van Pelt (I'm sure he can convince the gullible young woman to let him come), he will call Carter. Then, once he has killed Hightower and Van Pelt, he will call Carter again at the mall. Carter will fold his newspaper as a signal, and Bertram, feigning anger and impatience, will retreat. Then Carter will come to Jane's table, and give him all the proofs that he's Red John. If O'Laughlin doesn't call before the time limit (always a possibility), Bertram must go away and Carter play his part nonetheless. If I've well understood what kind of man is Patrick Jane, Carter will have to push him to his limits before he shoots him. But I'm sure he'll have a gun with him, and that in the end, he'll use it._

_So I will lose Carter. And the operation will cause also Bertram to lose O'Laughlin. Bertram reluctantly ordered him to spare Lisbon's life, because I know it's the one thing Patrick couldn't live with. And contrary to Bertram, I don't want him dead. But if she's only wounded, that means that she'll be able to testify against O'Laughlin. He'll have to disappear, and in a more permanent way than he thinks. It's rather a pity, because a fed who happens to be a charming young man as well is a very good asset for us, but we have other moles in the place, whatever. Besides, even if he doesn't know my link with Bertram, I don't like to let anyone knowing part of my schemes in the run or in the hands of the police. It's my rule number one. _

_As usual, I'll be completely out of harm way during the whole process, the way I like it to be._

_And now, let's the fun begin._

**What do you think ? The chapter in which Lisbon tells Jane about the diary will ****come soon now.**


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